Current events

My goodness! It’s been forever since I’ve updated this thing.

Rival and I haven’t been on many missions since the one went so badly. I still don’t remember much of what happened – bits and pieces, mostly, but nothing much – but Rival knows what happened, and I know it bothers him still.

Vao is back! He came back a few days ago. It’s good to see him again. I was worried about him.

One thing Rival may not be happy about is that….Vao needed to feed. Since he’s a vampire….well…yeah. He fed from me, my blood. Last night.

To me, it means helping a friend. Like helping someone who needs blood transfusions. He needs blood to live, and I don’t mind helping him in that way. In fact *blushes green* I enjoy the process. Well, not at first. It really hurts at first. But after it progresses….it feels really nice. *blushes darker green*

In other news, I put up some notices that we’re taking new boarders!  Maybe we’ll see some new people around here soon.

Updates

I’ve neglected this diary, haven’t I?  *sighs*  I get so busy, what with the farm, and work, and the house.

I’m not even sure where to start.

After Mikal fired me, I wasn’t sure what to do.  I stayed around the house and cared for the animals and such, but that really left me….unfulfilled.  I was happy, just not…challenged, I guess.

Then Navaar asked me to go on a mission for NavKor.  Vao was furious, not wanting me to go.  He didn’t want me to work for Navkor, and said that Navaar was just using me.  Not that I could argue with some of his points, but he really made me feel worthless.  Stupid.  Ignorant.  He said I had no skills.  *hangs her head*  His words…..hurt.  Terribly.   He apologized for it later, but…..you can’t unring a bell.  I can still hear him telling me all of those things.

Rival, on the other hand, encouraged me.  He said it would be a wonderful opportunity.  A chance to do something different.  He said that Navaar obviously had a reason for choosing me, so I have some skills to offer.  He made me feel like I could be so much more than just….staying around the house.  *smiles at the memory*

The mission was to B’Daal, and it actually didn’t go perfectly.  Phobetor and I were shot.  He….saved my life.  He took weapons fire that was meant for me, blocking the shot with his body.  It went through him and still did plenty of damage to me.  I would have been killed instantly if he hadn’t stepped in front of me.

But the trade agreement went through, and the Ambassador was impressed with me!  He even commed Navaar and said so!

So after that….Navaar offered me a job as a liaison for NavKor.  She said that Rival and Phobetor could come, too.  *smiles*  I said yes.  *smile fades*  Vao wasn’t….happy.

I took the job.  I went to Giju - another mission that didn’t go well – and to Revyia, which did go well.  Our next mission is to Galidraan, and we leave tomorrow.

Vao and I continued to date.  *long pause*  While on the missions, Rival and I grew….very close.  Closer than best friends.  Closer than we should have grown, I suppose, since I was dating Vao.

On the first mission, while we were on the ship, Rival kissed me.  Not just a friendly kiss.  A kiss of passion, of….love.  *pause*  I returned it, in kind.  I finally had to admit to myself that I loved Rival as more than a friend.

While on the missions, Rival and I were very close.  Not intimate, but…close:  kissing, sleeping in the same bed, holding hands, etc.

When home, we were “just friends.”

When talking to Rival once were were home, I told him that he deserved better than that.  He deserved a girlfriend that didn’t belong to someone else.  Someone that he didn’t have to sneak around with.

I had intended the talk to lead to an understanding that…he and I should no longer be affectionate on missions, that I belong to Vao.  But it didn’t work out that way.  I admitted that I loved him.  I realized that….I wanted to be with him, not Vao.

*sighs*  So….I told Vao everything – what had happened with Rival on the missions, how I felt about Rival, etc.

Vao was furious, of course, not that I blame him.  He left.  I think he’s at NavKor HQ right now.

Rival and I are dating.  I’m so happy.

I need to go take care of some things.  I’ll write more soon.

Jeux

Look!  Ezzie gave me a pet!

Isn’t he cute!?

He is so sweet.  I love him.  :)

Quick Update

Well, the problem with Mikal has resolved itself.  He made a full confession and then….killed himself.  I’m sorry it had to end that way, but it has made my life a lot easier.  Plus I wasn’t the only girl he’s tried to make moves on like that, so now Tynnara is a safer place.

Vao and I are dating.  I care for him very much.

Rival….has been telling me that he still loves me.  I need to talk to him soon.  In private.

This is short.  Sorry.  More later.

Update

A lot has happened.

First of all, I’m having trouble with the townspeople.  Mikal wanted me to sleep with him, and I refused.  He attacked me, then fired me.

Now he’s been spreading all kinds of lies about me.  The townspeople are starting to hate me.

On a happier note, I….have been spending a lot more time with Vao.  I….I love him.  I told him so.  And he loves me.

Update: My House, Vao and Rival

Things are going great!

For starters, the house is finished, and the livestock was delivered today:  chickens, goats and rabbits.  Also the seed for planting.  It’s awesome.

And Vao is human!  I’m not really sure how it happened, but something that ONI did turned him human.  No more feeding, no more chance of me getting addicted.  I’m not going to lie:  I’m going to miss the feedings.  Just being honest. But I’m so happy for Vao.  He seems so much happier and at ease.  The others in the house aren’t as tense, either, now that Vao doesn’t need to feed from me.  *happy dance*

Aza and ONI seem to be leaving him alone, too.  We had a confrontation last night, but then Aza left us and walked away. (A confrontation with me, Vao and Rival.)

Vao has been so sweet since becoming human.  I mean, he was nice before, but….angry a lot.  He felt like people feared him for being a vampire – maybe he was right, I don’t know.   But since he’s been human, he’s been such a big help to me around the house and he’s also been so thoughtful and considerate.  I’m so glad he didn’t leave and that he’s staying with me.

Speaking of leaving, Rival’s house will be done soon.  *sigh*  I’ll miss him.  I know he’s only going to be next door, but it’ll still not be the same as having him stay with me in the house.

Tomorrow I am going on a picnic with Vao, then for a walk on the beach.  I’m looking forward to it.  *smiles*  I’m looking forward to spending some time with him, away from the hustle and bustle of the house.  (I love having all of the guys there – and H’Ress, too – but it can be hectic sometimes.)

I haven’t really talked to Vao about his feelings for me since we spoke before.  I….have to admit that I’m attracted to him.  I care for him a great deal.  I owe him my life.

But I can’t help but feel that he says he loves me simply because I remind him of Shara, and that he’s viewing me as a second chance to be with her.  *sighs*

I guess I should go for now.

My House is Done!

Look look look!

My house is done – isn’t it beautiful?

I’m so excited!

And look!  here’s my room!

See the lake through the window? It's beautiful.

I also have tons of guest rooms !

And the kitchen:

And the living room:

Vao, Rival and Wedge are staying with me.  :)

Raeb, Rival and Vao

Where do I start?

I’ve only been in this new galaxy for a few weeks.  Before coming here, I pretty much just stayed by myself (with my chittermyrr friends, of course) for over a year.  But since coming here, I’ve made a lot of new friends:  Raeb, Rival, H’Ress, Vao, Kl’rt, Surfer, Wedge, and more.  I’ve also gotten to know some of the locals, and they’ve been very sweet.

But now, things have taken a turn.  Some of my friends….don’t want to be friends.

They want to be….more than friends.

*sighs*

I’ve been talking more with Raeb, and he’s been training with me.  He told me that….he loves my body because of my heart and mind….and…I enjoy being with him so much.  He is so gentle with me, and he is a kindred spirit.  I told him that even though I trust him with my life, I’m not ready to open up my heart.  Not yet.  I just….can’t.

The more time I spend with Raeb, the closer I feel to him.  He’s helped heal me, has helped me train.  He’s held me close, and….*pause* I….love it when he holds me close to him, looking into my eyes, his deep voice murmuring to me…..

Okay.  Need to stop thinking of that.

Then there is Rival.  Rival is truly my best friend.  We can talk about anything, and he is so sweet.  And shy.  He said he wanted to be more than friends, but then I told him the same thing I told Raeb – I trust him with my life, but …..I just can’t open my heart.  Not to anyone.  Not yet.

Rival was so sweet about it, and he asked me to have dinner with him.  We went last night, and we had a wonderful time.  The night was beautiful; the meal was fantastic, and the company was *blushes green* perfect.  We went to a local restaurant – one recommended to him.  And we rode there on horseback!  *fond smile*

And, at the end of the night, he gave me a hug.  A long hug, and it felt sooo nice to be held by him, and he…he whispered to me that it had been a perfect evening…and…*trails off for a minute*

What?  Oh.  Sorry.  I’m back.  *clears throat*

And now there’s Vao.  Vao told me yesterday that he loves me.  Just point blank said that he loves me too much to risk my life, so he’s going to hand  himself over to ONI, to Aza.

I was….shocked.  Stunned.  Aside from the fact that I’m upset he’s going to hand himself over to ONI….I mean, I knew he cared for me because he rescued me, but I’ve also tried to rescue him, too.  And I’ve let him feed – even though it’s a risk for me.

Vao’s feeding…..is a whole other subject.  Gods, this last feeding was…words can’t describe how good it felt.  It was a lot longer than the other times, and…Mother of Orion help me, I know now why Shara was so addicted to Vao’s bite.  I try not to think about it, but it’s difficult.  Really, really difficult.  *guilty look*  Makes….me wish he needed to feed again.  Soon.

*sighs*  But….I don’t love Vao.  I don’t think he really loves me, either – I think he just loves the idea of who I am, looks at me like a Second-chance Shara.

So…anyway…..that’s my situation.

Three guys.  I consider them all close friends.

But…..I’m just not ready to open my heart yet.  I just….can’t.  Not yet.  I’m too afraid of being hurt, of losing someone I love again.

So….I’ll just see….what happens.

The Force, By Any Other name……

First, just some exciting news!

1. Wedge brought a mobile rebel base with him!  No more sleeping in a tent!  We have shelter and stuff – even a common area!  And sleeping quarters for everyone!
2. H’Ress said they start work on my house tonight!  Isn’t that awesome!?  I’m so excited!!

Now for some other news.  Still good, but just…..different.

I’ve….been training with Raebous.  He calls it learning how to use the Force, but…my people call it something quite different.

I’ve been studying a database I borrowed from Navaar – the legends, folklore and records of our people.  Well, what has survived, anyway.  Plus I’ve heard of people who can do the same things that the people in this galaxy that are called “Force-sensitive” can do.

Our people call it “The Favor of the Gods.”

Some of our people can sense the future or sense danger.  We say that it’s because the Mother of Orion whispers in their ear, telling them things that they could not possibly know otherwise.   She warns them, helps them choose the safe course of action, helps them avoid a dangerous future.

There are those who can fight without even seeing his or her opponent – dodging phaser pistol blasts or swordplay even while blindfolded.  They are said to have the Thousand Gods guiding their steps.

Still others can cause movement or destruction – without touching the object.  We say that the Thousand Gods do their will because the person has found their favor.  Or they can have lightning from their fingertips – the “Fire of the Gods.”

Raeb is respectful of the difference.  I’m….I’m not comfortable calling what he is teaching me the Force, or Force training.  For all I know, the Force doesn’t even exist – I’ve never heard of it before coming to this galaxy.

All I know is that I am finding the favor of the Gods….and that I am learning how to listen to the subtle whispers of the Mother of Orion….to hear her guide my path….

What is it that the Terran poet said?  ”A rose, by any other name, would smell just as sweet.”

Two cultures, two names, one phenomenon.

Friends, Foes and Alliances

Well, things look like they’ve calmed down a bit with Tarkin.  I hope.

But now Vao has someone after him!  Aza. I hate him.

Vao was captured, so I tried to help him.  It didn’t work.  I was caught and hurt pretty badly.  But at least Kl’rt was able to rescue Vao and get me to safety.

But H’Ress patched me up (again!) and then Raeb healed me more as I slept.

OH!  That reminds me!  I’ve made some new friends.

Raeb is….very sweet.  He was captured and tortured for years, but now he’s free.  He can use that Force-stuff.  He can do all kinds of things!  *shy smile*  He….healed the damage inflicted by my past Master – healed all of the injuries, the pain, the scars.  He used that Force-stuff to do it.  *smiles at the memory*  And he also healed me last night, as I slept.  Eased my pain.

I know this is short.  I’ll post more soon!